Take a break from the VMA's and....

watch this for two seconds and make a small donation. I'm not really into the whole preaching for a cause thing, but this is one that is near and dear to my heart (yes, I have a heart). Times are tough, but a few dollars out of your pocket wont hurt. Unless you only have a few dollars then, just think happy thoughts.

Boys, can't live with 'em and dam sure can't live without 'em..sigh

Those of you who know me, know me know that I am the number one advocate for anti-dude bashing because, well, you win some, you lose some. However, events in my life and the lives of those around me these past few months have had me wanting to just give a few tips on the dos and donts of courting. While there are plenty of dbags in this world who will never learn, even the nicest of guys eff up sometimes. That being said while they're are plenty of psycho, overly sensitive girls in the world, even the toughest, most carefree girls in the world will feel the ouch factor in some situations. It happens to us too.
Now, I'm no expert but, I think I've experienced some things to just put my one cent in. (Can't afford to put two in right now. *hit the cymbal* Ah I crack myself up.) Anywhoo, let's cut straight to the chase and here goes.....

1)Do not, I repeat do not, tell a girl you're feelin her if you're not going to do anything about it. This is an even bigger don't if the girl is feelin you back. Even the most tough of chicks is going to feel a sting from this. It'd be like if I told you Halle Berry was going to deliver your bday cake, put her infront of your door then close it and say "sike". You'd feel kinda shitty wouldnt you?

2)Do not use a girl to try to get over another one. Distractions help, but go distract yourself by getting a new hobby. I've heard Zumba is quite fantastic.

3)If a girl asks where things are going, it's because she wants to hear the truth, so share it. If you want to tell her that you'd rather give yourself a paper cut right between your toes then move any further with her, tell her. If you want to tell her you're seeing someone else, tell her. If you want to tell her you're just not sure, tell her. Grant it, some chicks are loco en la cabeza and will maybe start burning your pictures and telling all her friends and the whole FB world that you dress in drag at night time, most of us can handle it like big girls. The truth hurts, but it's better to hear. If you'd like to maintain some sort of friendship with this girl, tell her. Honesty is quite an admirable quality and the key to a good friendship. This also goes into.....

4)Do not, I repeat do not, avoid a situation. If you just met the chick two weeks ago, went out on one date and she's blowing up your phone like a debt collector, then by all means, ignore. If you've been dating a girl for months or in the HS term "talking" to her for some time, ignoring is not the answer. Be a real dude and just tell her how it is. This is especially true if you've had some sort of friendship prior to all the nonsense. As hard as it may be for you to tell the truth, think about how hard it may have been for her to ask. It'll sting, but she'll live.

5)Like dudes, there are some girls who have no clue on how to take the initiative. Fellas, if a girl is constantly speaking to you or hinting at wanting to see you, she's not doing it just for kicks. Girls, regardless of whether they're looking for a cuddle buddy, a movie partner, a boyfriend or their future baby daddy, do not like to waste time so she aint talking to you for her health. If it's subtly right infront of your face, then take it. If come the day she stops all this hinting, it may not be because she's moved on to the next one, it may simply be because chasing after someone is eggg-sausting. I'm sure you know.


and last, but certainly not least....

6)Do not ask a girl for her phone number and start talking to her if you live 145827
states away and are not planning on relocating any time soon. In the words of my father "el amor de lejos es el amor de pendejos" (Google translate for you non-spanish speaking folk) and pen pals are so 4th grade. I'm sure you can find someoene in your own state.

Girls, these thing go for you too. The end.

And the best song ever out right now award goes to....

This song has been on repeat on my Ipod for the past few weeks. Could be for certain reasons or it could just be because we all know I have a potty mouth and its an excuse to use the word about 15 times in the span of 3 minutes. It's mostly likely the second but, only I know the truth.Shout out to Cee Lo for making such a fab little tune.

I wish I could, but.....

If you know the rest of that sentence, then odds are I've said it to you before and odds are you've given me the "bitch" look. Ah you love it. While I obviously have things in common with my friends and acquaintances, there are times when I feel like the odd man (girl) out. There are activities and things they like/dislike that I'm often giving them the "I aint into that shit" look. If you've seen the look, you know. Here's a list of a few:

1)Sky diving- I've been asked over and over and over again to do this and my answer is and will always be : HELL TO THE MOTHER EFFIN NO. I'm not a big fan of sitting on a plane, strapped in with the door closed so why in the hell would I voluntarily throw myself out of one and let's face it, with my luck, that chute aint opening.
2)Reading-Unless its an 8x 11", glossy thing full of pictures, I don't want to know about it. Some say reading raises your intelligence level. In my opinion, reading about vampires frolicking around and making love in the woods or nerdy kids who have magical powers, really isn't going to make me any smarter. While I'm not exactly splitting atoms and do have my moments, I think I am doing just fine in the intelligence department thank you very much. I spell correctly, I use proper grammar and can say "Go f*ck yourself " in four different languages. See, I'm fine.
3)Snooki, Sooki, Spooki and whatever their names are- Contrary to popular belief, I really do not watch much tv. Well, actual shows. Unless its a DVD or a movie on Demand I'm really not interested to see what's on my local station. I hate "True Blood", I hate "The Jersey Shore", have never seen "The Bad Girls Club" and if I hear someone say "xoxo Gossip Girl" one more time I'm going to...do nothing but cringe.
4)Dating- I hate dating, really. I have no problem speaking to dudes here and there via social networks and text messages, but when it comes down the the actual meeting up.....:insert BBM can't watch smiley: here. The thought of being one on one with someone I barely know really makes me want to hide under the covers. I know eventually I'm going to have to get over this, unless I want to end up an old lady sitting on a porch with my 6 dogs. This is the only one that ill actually give in to. When, don't know, but I will. I swear. Really.
5)One word: Twilight. Don't even need to go into detail on this one.
6)Leaving my house during the day on the weekends- While I do enjoy a BBQ here and there and do like to get out of my house on a nice day on occasion, most of the time I like to spend my weekends locked in my room, blinds shut, with my four favorite things in the world: my phone, my bed, my tv and my DVD player. Sue me.

Those are pretty much the main things I can think of right now. There are maybe two people I know that share these same exact thoughts and to those I'd like to give a special :insert BBM Hug smiley: here. Feel special because we all know how I feel about hugs unless you're a hot dude, then hug away.

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"Learn Something New Everyday"

We've all heard the phrase and yep, its true. Well, maybe we don't learn something new everyday, but pretty often. You may sometimes not even notice you're learning things but, you are. I happened quite a few things this month ( I know its only the second week of August but, its been quite eventful). So here is a list of a few things I've learned this month. You love my lists, I know.

1) Water parks are dangerous
2) Not all funnel cake is a piece of heaven
3) Sometimes you'll ask a person a question, if they don't give you a direct answer, there's your answer. If you know what I mean, you'll know what I mean.
4) People can give you advice up the wazoo, but in the end, you're gonna do what you want.
5) Sometimes shyness can be misconstrued as bitchiness. It sucks but, that's how the Lord sent me down here, what can I do.
6) Running in high heels, unless you're Carrie Bradshaw, is NOT, I repeat, NOT ever a good idea. I don't wanna talk about it.
7)Urban Outfitters really has the dopest shirts ever. For guys. Talk about discrimination. Not all girls want a shirt that says "Bonjour le Parie I love you" on it. Really.
8) No need to dwell on things that have already happened, no matter how much it bugs you. What's happened, happened, can't change it so keep it movin'. Who needs Dr. Phil when ya got me?
Aaaand finally

9)I shoudlve been a weather..woman. These dudes can say whatever the hell they want and they are still employed. If I have to carry my umbrella one more time without seeing an ounce of precipitation I'm going over to Mr. G and slapping him with it. Seriously.

Aaand that is pretty much it so far. Months not over, so I'm sure ill be able to update this soon. You're excited, I know.
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Can't We All Just Get Along

So, I'm super late, but I got word that Young Jeezy and Rick Ross, two of my favorite dudes from down below, have beef.

1) Who uses the word "beef" anymore, unless youre at a wedding and they ask you what you want for dinner?

2) I dont know about you but, there's plenty of room in my Ipod for the soothing sounds from both fellas. Well, that's not true because my Ipod is full at the moment, but if it wasnt, thered be room.

3)Who still has beef with another artist? That is soooooo 1999. Get with the times boys.

4) They really need to squash this beef, get together and try to get rid of those folk who are making a mockery of my beloved tunes from the south. I dont want to mention any names but it starts with a Soulja and ends with a Boy. Really.


That's pretty much my thoughts on the situation. My last piece of advice, and weve all heard these words before: "Seriously, get over it who gives a sh*t". Oprah status advice right there.

MTV, I'm ready

OOOOhhhh Lawdy. If there were ever a week in which my el has been superbly effed, it has been this one. Just going to cut to the chase here. So, here goes ahem :clearing throat:

1) Saturday night I'm out at this spot, minding my business, doing my same ol' two-step, when this girl, who was dancing as if it was her last night on Earth, knocked me in the back of the head with her teeth. Yes, with her teeth. Who does this happen to?? Oh yeah, me.
2) Most of you know that Sundays are my day to do nothing but be a waste of space, eat and watch tv. Best day of the week. Well, this past Sunday, I got my lazy butt up and went to a water park. I know, the girl who cant swim going to a water park just screams "BAD IDEA". Long story short, get on the first ride, I get knocked in the head so hard that my contact popped out and my face swole up, days later I get a killer headache and can't walk without almost tipping over, go to the Dr (surprise, surprise, I went to a Dr.) and he tells me.....I have a mild concussion. WHO THE EFF GETS A CONCUSSION AT A WATER PARK???? Oh yeah, me.
And finally:

3) These meds the Dr gave me say : No alcoholic beverages. I mean, what is this dude trying to do to me? I think I've read enough Web MD to know that consuming an alcoholic beverage or two is okay. Psh, dont need no 10 years of med school to diagnose something.

The point of all this was just to a) give you a guys a little chuckle ( hey, even if youre laughing at me, youre laughing) b) have you be glad youre not me and c)prove that I really need my own reality show. C'mon dudes. Long overdue.