Either Love Me or Leave Me Alone

Was having a conversation with a friend yesterday afternoon and the convo steered towards boy talk. I told her my most recent man dilemma and she says "We have to figure out why you can't a guy. You're pretty, you have a good personality, we have to figure it out" Naturally, I burst out laughing because she made it sound like we were trying to figure out a way to attain peace in the middle east. This lead me to really think about what the issues with myself may be that makes me like a disease (thanks Molly Ringwald for that line). Here's what I've come up with:

1) If there was a town called Shyville, I'd be the mayor- I am one of the shyest people you'll ever meet. I don't like being the center of attention and it takes me quite some time to warm up to people. Especially dudes. I have no problem talking to dudes via social networks, text, whatever but when it comes to being around them in person for the first time or even first few times, some kind of evil force comes over me that turns me into Awkward Alice. This leads into.....
2) Me having zero game. Zero, zilch, none.-Those of you who know me, especially if you've dated me, know that I fail in the flirting department. My way of flirting is similar to that of that kid in 2nd grade who used to pull your pony tail because he liked you. I tease guys, joke around with them and if am comfortable, just act like a plain ol' r'tard. Does it work? Sometimes, but obviously more often no then yes. This leads into....
3) Me falling rapidly into the "Friend" Zone-I have been told many times that I'm like a dude. While I do consider myself quite girly in some aspects( nails dun, hair dun, everything did) I can be quite the un-girl. I'd rather have wings than a salad for lunch, I laugh during horror flicks as opposed to being scared, my ghetto hand goes up in the air when Rick Ross plays in a club, I drop the F bomb more often than I should, I don't cringe at dirty jokes, when it comes to relationships I'm often the one who needs the space, am not clingy and I'd rather a dude buy me a DVD than flowers. Apparently, this pushes me into the "she's one of the dudes" category, which I think is okay, but others think not. This leads into....
4) Either love me or leave me alone. I could use to be a little more flirtatious and aggressive when it comes down to wooing the opposite sex, I'll admit and I'm slooooooooooooooooowly but unsurely trying, but at the end of the day, ya gotta either love me or leave me alone.( If you haven't notice that is my favorite Jay-Z song of all time). My friend's bf may have said it best: "you know when you start to dance with someone and its weird at first because you're both trying to sync with each other and sometimes it just doesn't work? You need to find that person who's automatically gonna sync with your stupid ass and get it".
El em ef a O. Man's a genius.
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Why Sweet Jesus? Whyyyyyy?

Yes, that is the question. No matter where I go I find that strangers are always talking to me. On the train, in Target, gas stations, everywhere. Whether it is to ask for directions or just talk about the weather, never fails, some freak is gonna start talking to me. Why? I'm not sure.
I don't think I look particularly friendly and try to look as bored and mean as possible in order to avoid this yet, it still happens.
Example:
Saturday night, it was around 3 am, walk into CV and head straight to the bar. As soon as we get to the bar some dude starts talking to my friend, dancing with her, we give her the thumbs up of approval and let her be. A few minutes later dude taps me on the shoulder and asks the "what's your ethnicity?" question. I tell him, he then goes on to tell me he's from Ohio and wanted to know if he could ask me a few questions for the paper he was writing. Yes, let's sit down and have an interview in the middle of a club with "Tootsie Roll" playing in the background. -_- Sadly, I think he may have really been writing a paper, but, my song came on so it was just not the time.
I'm really convinced that I have some kind of sign on my head that says "Everyone except cute dudes talk to me. Now". Gonna call Harvard and see if any of their students want to use me as an experiment and figure this mystery out.
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I'll be movin on (Mya voice)

Seeing as how I barely ever tell anyone anything, very few of you know that this is my last week in the world of Ricky's.
While I'll miss my coworkers, my "kids" and the freaks of nature that come thru the office, I am happy and excited to be moving on.
Thanks for the year and change full of laughs kids :)
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The answer is : pearls

Long story short, girl is asked to put down a 6 digit NUMBER (this is repeated about 5 times) as her pin for the register, girl writes: "pearls".

Not only are those not numbers, but the girl was probably sitting there for the entire orientation thinking of a word with six letters and of all the words in the world she chooses:pearls.

Oooooh lawdy, thanks for the giggles.
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First class seat on the Emotionally Retarded Express

I am emotionally retarded. I will be the first to admit it, never deny it and am surely convinced that it is one of my worst traits.
For some reason I have a hard time expressing my feelings unless under the influence of the truth serum (aka alcohol) or have reached the peak of Mount I've Had Enough ( the highest mountain in the land of Emotionally Retardness). On top of this, I can also have an extreme delayed reaction to things.
For example: there was a situation that ended and when it ended I just brushed my shoulders off and kept it moving. Now, weeks, almost headed into months later, I'm starting to feel the emotions of annoyance/semi-anger/borderline hurtness (if that's not a word, I just made it one). Those very few who know me, know me said they saw this coming and that I need to stop being the queen of fronting. I hate when people are right.
Maybe one day this will change or maybe this is just how I will be until the end of time. I'm betting on the second, but hey, miracles do happen.
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Take a break from the VMA's and....

watch this for two seconds and make a small donation. I'm not really into the whole preaching for a cause thing, but this is one that is near and dear to my heart (yes, I have a heart). Times are tough, but a few dollars out of your pocket wont hurt. Unless you only have a few dollars then, just think happy thoughts.

Boys, can't live with 'em and dam sure can't live without 'em..sigh

Those of you who know me, know me know that I am the number one advocate for anti-dude bashing because, well, you win some, you lose some. However, events in my life and the lives of those around me these past few months have had me wanting to just give a few tips on the dos and donts of courting. While there are plenty of dbags in this world who will never learn, even the nicest of guys eff up sometimes. That being said while they're are plenty of psycho, overly sensitive girls in the world, even the toughest, most carefree girls in the world will feel the ouch factor in some situations. It happens to us too.
Now, I'm no expert but, I think I've experienced some things to just put my one cent in. (Can't afford to put two in right now. *hit the cymbal* Ah I crack myself up.) Anywhoo, let's cut straight to the chase and here goes.....

1)Do not, I repeat do not, tell a girl you're feelin her if you're not going to do anything about it. This is an even bigger don't if the girl is feelin you back. Even the most tough of chicks is going to feel a sting from this. It'd be like if I told you Halle Berry was going to deliver your bday cake, put her infront of your door then close it and say "sike". You'd feel kinda shitty wouldnt you?

2)Do not use a girl to try to get over another one. Distractions help, but go distract yourself by getting a new hobby. I've heard Zumba is quite fantastic.

3)If a girl asks where things are going, it's because she wants to hear the truth, so share it. If you want to tell her that you'd rather give yourself a paper cut right between your toes then move any further with her, tell her. If you want to tell her you're seeing someone else, tell her. If you want to tell her you're just not sure, tell her. Grant it, some chicks are loco en la cabeza and will maybe start burning your pictures and telling all her friends and the whole FB world that you dress in drag at night time, most of us can handle it like big girls. The truth hurts, but it's better to hear. If you'd like to maintain some sort of friendship with this girl, tell her. Honesty is quite an admirable quality and the key to a good friendship. This also goes into.....

4)Do not, I repeat do not, avoid a situation. If you just met the chick two weeks ago, went out on one date and she's blowing up your phone like a debt collector, then by all means, ignore. If you've been dating a girl for months or in the HS term "talking" to her for some time, ignoring is not the answer. Be a real dude and just tell her how it is. This is especially true if you've had some sort of friendship prior to all the nonsense. As hard as it may be for you to tell the truth, think about how hard it may have been for her to ask. It'll sting, but she'll live.

5)Like dudes, there are some girls who have no clue on how to take the initiative. Fellas, if a girl is constantly speaking to you or hinting at wanting to see you, she's not doing it just for kicks. Girls, regardless of whether they're looking for a cuddle buddy, a movie partner, a boyfriend or their future baby daddy, do not like to waste time so she aint talking to you for her health. If it's subtly right infront of your face, then take it. If come the day she stops all this hinting, it may not be because she's moved on to the next one, it may simply be because chasing after someone is eggg-sausting. I'm sure you know.


and last, but certainly not least....

6)Do not ask a girl for her phone number and start talking to her if you live 145827
states away and are not planning on relocating any time soon. In the words of my father "el amor de lejos es el amor de pendejos" (Google translate for you non-spanish speaking folk) and pen pals are so 4th grade. I'm sure you can find someoene in your own state.

Girls, these thing go for you too. The end.