Last Saturday night two of my homegirls went to this club in the city and for a little people watching, two-stepping and to play everyones favorite game "let's see how many freaks talk to Melissa".
Where to begin? Let's start with the chick outside of the bathroom.
The bathroom at this spot has many perks. It is unisex, only has one toilet. If that wasn't amazing planning on the planner's part, I really dont know what is. We go into the bathroom the first time, and all of a sudden the door starts pushing open. (the door didnt shut all the way either, another thumbs up.) My friend pushes back, then some chick starts knocking on it like crazy. Club etiquette and just common sense: if the door is closed, that pretty much means someone is in there, and if there are three people inside that means it may take some time, so calm the eff down. Thank you.
The Royal Rumble
For some reason everyone in that place was feeling quite violent. Three fights broke out, one in which I got my toe stepped on and swear it still hurts. I never understood why dudes start fighting especially in a club. Way to piss on everyone else's parade. If someone is annoying you just go find another spot in the club. Thank you again.
Don Chest Hair
I sat down for a moment due to a shoe malfunction and as I'm sitting there this dude who looked like he was growing a chia pet from his chest and pants tighter than me decides to shout out "YO!", I turn to look, he winks and blows a kiss at me. Barf-o-rama. At this point I kept repeating "Why lord do you hate me, so" and quickly turned away. Fellas, chest hair is just not cute, especially visible chest hair. Also, winking and blowing a kiss at a girl is really not going to get her to holla back at you. Well, not me at least.
The America's Next Best Dance Crew Reject
I saw this dude the last time I was at this place and he was even more fabulous than the last time. I understand you hear a good song, you get in the moment and wanna bust out in dance. That's what dance floors are for. However, please do not make the dance floor your own private studio and act as if you are auditioning for a Britney Spears video. Youre invading my dance space.
And last, but definitely not least, The Puker
I see the crowd part as if Moses was crossing the Red Sea and what do I see. Pukeville. It looked as if someone had taken a bucket of puke and thrown it all over the floor. People if the urge to puke is so great that you can not hold it in, maybe you should ease up on the drinking or Usain Bolt your ass to the bathroom. The last thing people want is puke on their feet.
Point of all this is when going out : Act like you been somewhere before. Trust me, itll make you a better person.
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