Ninja Please

Some of you know that I am very hesitant on giving my phone number out to dudes. Call me picky.

Anywho, long story short, Friday night dude approaches me, I gave him my number, dude calls me the next day....at 8:59 am.
Let's figure out all the things wrong with this.
1) He called me. I mean, I know the dude doesn't know me, but really I barely pick up the phone for people I know (if I do pick up your calls or call you back consider yourself special), let alone a stranger. This is why the phone gods invented text messaging, hellooo.
2)He called me at 8:59 am. I have and do have conversations with people at this time, but its with people that I've known for more than one hour.
3) He called me at 8:59 am on a Saturday.

I think that this is a pretty good little example on what dudes should not do if they want a girl to call them back. I also think its a pretty good example that backs up my theory of the rarity of a normal dude ever approaching me. The proof is in the pudding kids, can not make it up.


PS Dude has also been calling me everyday since last Friday. I don't know about you, but if someone doesn't answer me after the second call, I'd pretty much think that they're never going to answer me. I totally mustve been a puppy killer in my past life.
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Thats Way Harsh Tai

As some of you know Ill be journeying (is that a word?) many miles away in a week and have been informed that it is quite expensive to use my beloved Blackberry out there. Very expensive. This means I will be mia from FB, Twitter and BBM for eight whole days. EIGHT. WHOLE. DAYS. May as well be a million.
Will be quite interesting to see how long it takes for my thumbs to start twitching and I start rocking back and forth like Chris Rock in New Jack City. Maybe I wont miss it at all. Ah who are we fooling, Ill probably slip and come back to roaming charges up the wazoo.

PS Ill miss you kids (some of you) but you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Sometimes.

Um yeah so...

I used to heart Chris Brown, then I hated him, then I hearted him, then went back to hating him. I know, I can never make up my mind. While I do still kinda hate him because I think hes a pathetic loser ( "tell us how ya really feel!") I must say this video is, well....ya know.

D. Wade who?

The story goes like this:

In the elevator at the Shore Club this dude, who was about 9 1/2 feet tall walks in we stop our convo friend says: "Are you a basketball player?" His response:

"Yeah I play for the Heat but you probably woulndt recognize me because Im always on the bench"

This went down in the books as one of the funniest things ive ever heard in life and shout out to him for keepin it real.

Its okay, youre still on the payroll honey.

You'll shoot your eye out

For those of you who know me, know me are aware that I'm weird when it comes to things having to do with my eyes. It takes me about 10 minutes to put my contacts on, I'm like a little kid when it comes to putting eye drops in and I grasp on to my chair for dear life whenever I go for an eye exam.
Over time, the wearing glasses and contacts is not only getting annoying but putting quite the dent in my already extremely dented wallet. Because of this I have been contemplating going under the knife next year and getting the dreaded eye surgery.
I've researched how they do this and basically they blind you for about 5 minutes, slice things in your eyeball, put some goggles on you that make you look like Spiderman's short bus riding cousin, send you on your way and then ta-da no more four eyes. Hmm.
I don't know about you, but, none of that, except for the last part, really sounds like a party to me.
I've heard guys find girls with glasses kinda cute anyway....right? Someone just say yes, thanks.
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Swoon

Those of you who know me know that I like my fellas a little bit, well, shaded, but I do enjoy myself some looking at fellas on the lighter end of the spectrum from time to time. So this is my new white boy crush. If anyone knows him pass him along my number thanks.

The Shallow Award Goes To...

Over the weekend I had a mini-discussion on whether I'd prefer to date a guy with looks or one with money. My conversation partners said they'd much rather have an average , even almost ugly dude who wiped his ass with money then a "poor" dude. Naturally, it just wouldn't be Mel acting like Mel if I didn't go against the crowd. I said I'd rather date a cute,broke guy then an ugly rich one and almost got thrown in the pool. This led to the debate: who's the shallow one? Side note: both sides did agree that personality overrides both factors. Rich or poor if you're a boring ass mofo aint nobody but a boring ass mofo equivalent is going to date you. There's someone out there for everyone.

My argument: in order to date someone you must be attracted to them and no amount of money in the world is going to turn Bill Gates into David Beckham. Actually, no one can ever compare to David Beckham, but you know. Oh David.

Their argument: but he's rich.

After writing this post I've realized that both parties are the shallow ones. I personally think that I am the less shallow one because, well, just because. The jury is out.


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Because guys are dumb

In observation of many conversations and with my own experiences, I've come to realize that whenever a woman/girl is asked a question referring to a dude who's not acting the way you'd like him to act, the answer is always "because guys are dumb". No explanations, just these simple words and no matter how old the woman, this is always the answer. Brings along a little lol.
This further backs up my theory that guys are a mystery of life and thou shall not ever attempt to understand. Just roll your eyes, say what-ever and.....that pretty much works.
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Hello, McFly

I spent this past weekend in one of my favorite cities in the galaxy, Miami. While it wasn't a typical "Mel Trip" ie sprained fingers, lost items, wondering wth happened...(hmm maybe this was a better trip...) I did have a great time and it was oh so necessary. There were many "you had to be there" moments but I did learn some life lessons that of course, I am going to share with you. Sooo, here goes.

1)Brown people do burn.
We all know I love to get my Wesley Snipes on and we all know my face is the last to get the message that everyone looks better with a tan. I decided to do the smart thing and not put sun block on my face. Because of the genius idea, I came back looking like Rudolph with hair and now have some sexy peeling action going on. I'm sure ill attract some fellas this weekend with this.

2)Miami cab drivers are the best and craziest cab drivers on the East Coast.

I had one cabbie singing along to Gucci Mane in a Haitian accent, one blasting David Guetta, one letting me know where I could find the single men and one screaming at passing cars to "get a life". If that isn't awesomeness, I really don't know what is.

3) Dudes from DC throw some pretty awesome rooftop parties....even if you're technically not invited.

DJs in masquerade gear, Lil Wayne blasting, vodka on deck. All good. I also learned that the perfect answer to "scuse me how did you hear about this party?" is "I don't know , I just did" Trust me, charms the pants off of anyone.

4) Jose Reyes and Wacka Flocka are not the same person.

Enough said.

5)The older I get, the less smooth Patron goes down. Ah the perils of life.

6) If someone wants to go and talk to a dude for you, just let 'em.
Yes, my chicken-ness travels too.

7) Walking up steep stairs with a skirt on is not a good idea.

And last, but not least:

8) There are actual things as Lesbian conventions.

While I consider myself a pretty open-minded gal......I have my limits. Apparently there was a convention for the Aqua girls which is basically WMC for lesbians and apparently lesbians scare single dudes away. Score.

There were many other moments that occurred that have had me giggling like a crazy person at my desk for the past few day and sadly they can not be explained. For those who were there I have two words :" Mac Compact" hahahahahahaa. Ahhhh the end.
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I have to...wash my hair

Dating sucks. Really. A friend of mine was telling me the other day how she practically has a date with a different, new dude almost every weekend and while some gals may have been jealous, I can safely say I was not.
While I can't exactly say I have thousands of dudes knocking on my door, I have been asked out and have politely (yes I can be polite) declined due to the fact that I find it almost torturous to hang out with someone that I barely know. Awkward silence, the trying to impress you wining and dining, asking questions such as where did you grow up, what's your favorite movie, the "sooooo...what else"'s are really not my idea of a good time. Not to mention that I have a hard time being my fabulous self (kidding) around a stranger. The last date I went on having a conversation with the dude was like waiting in the dentist chair. Needless to say, it did not work out.
According to my friends, unless I want to be an old cat lady in the future, I'm going to have to give in one of these days and just give one of these dreaded "d" words a shot. Well see.

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