Too much to ask? Apparently so

Every so often, my friends get on a "let's find the mac to Melissa's cheese" kick and for the first time in a long time, I'm all for it. Blame it on the...not sure, but we'll find something, I'm sure. While this may seem like an easy task, according to them, its quite a difficult one.
Physically, the "Melissa" types are all over the place. Personality wise, I think they are out there, but others beg to differ. So here's what The Ferm wants ( Forget Chili):

A non-flashy, retardedly funny, simple, normal dude who's like me, but a bit different. Oh, and one who's got enough class for wine, but can handle Patron. Again, just like me. (Aahhhha...kidding. Oh Fab and his one liners)
According to friends and acquaintances, this type of dude, in this city, is the hardest to find. I mean, really.
Well, the task is on, and we'll see how this mission ends. In the meantime, I guess you can tune into VH1 and keep watching Chili be the pickiest mofo this side of the Mississippi. That's a whole 'nother post. Don't get me started.
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