Our future iz doomed

I have been working at my current job since September and have made quite a few revelations. The main one being that kids these days are, how can I put it nicely, dumb as hell. Now, I know I am not exactly splitting atoms over here either,but seriously.
There needs to be a new program in all schools called "Common Sense 101" that teaches these kids how to act in public and when it is appropriate to use certain language. The HR people of the world would be quite thankful.
So kids please, do not e-mail a business and tell them that you seen we be hiring, or you is looking for a job, or let me know what had happened when explaining why you didnt go to work. Trust me life will go much smoother for you, maybe.

Kelis is now a creature from a magical far away land

Or maybe she's auditioning to be an extra in the next "Lord of the Rings" movie. Or maybe she's testing out to see how good of friends she has. Obviously, they are not good because they let her walk out of the house looking like an alien/unicorn/Xmen.

First entry into the "Never Gonna Happen" files

Although this would maybe make a Knick fan out of me. Maybe.

Great

Thanks to this guy I will never be able to listen to this song the same again. Those of you who know me, know its one of my favorites. Well was. Dam you Dexter. Dam you to all hell.

I'm a believer again

I have a love/hate relationship with Drake. I was all about him when he came out with So Far Gone (and no I was not aware he was on some ritard tv show), but then he got all Juelz Santana on me appearing on everyone and their neighbor's songs. However, I have heard some of his latest songs and must say he's made me a believer again. "It's Been a Pleasure", "Say Something"(on Timbaland's album),"Zone" and "Baby, Come With Me"(both on Evil Empire's"Trending Topic's" mixtape) are on replay on the Ipod. If I am 98 years late on these songs, it's just more proof that I've been out of it lately. It happens.

I'd rather be locked in a room forced to watch Twilight

I currently have my 89384753th sore throat of the past few years. Hot dog. Doctors have told me that I should have my tonsils removed (yes, people still do that)and I dont know about you but the idea of being unconscious while having strangers poke you with sharp objects really does not sound like fun to me. I guess there goes my boob job too. Kidding.
Buuuut seriously, I think I'd really rather be locked in a room forced to watch ALL of the Twilight movies than have this surgery. Thank the lawd for throat drops.

My life is now complete..maybe

My man Donell has a new song out. I'm not sure how I feel about it though. Time will tell.

Silence those bells please

I dont know if its something going around like swine flu, but alot of people around me seem to be obsessed with the thought of marriage. What is the fascination and the rush?
I know, were in our mid-to-late 20's and that's what people our age are supposed to be doing...if this was 1955. While I do not want to end up an old cat lady (or dog lady, because we all know how I feel about those satan spawns that people call pets aka cats)and would like to see myself end up with someone long term eventually, whether it be married or not (sorry mom),I see no need to be posting profiles on EHarmony looking for my soulmate (Even tho Annmarie and whatever that guys name is do like quite happy in those commercials).
I do, to use the HS term "talk" to guys, but never with the thought in mind that this will be "the one". Maybe this is because no normal guys seem to talk to me. Or maybe its because I am a big believer that if something is going to happen with someone, its going to happen when the time is right. Aww, that was so Hallmark of me.
I'm also a big believer in the thought that the more you rush things and look for them it doesnt work out.
So calm down ladies enjoy your life and don't rush to get that ring on your finger. Unless youre like 45, then rush away because ya aint getting any younger. Ah everyday I just further secure my spot in the devil's den.

Cover your eyes kids

Mario seems to be trying to serve Trey Songz with this video. I personally think the video for "Invented Sex" is better and three people in the bed is a bit crowded for my taste, but whatever tickles your pickle. Pause. I am feelin the song though.
P.S Girl with the stripes in her hair, because I wouldn't even call those highlights, Target is having a sale on hair color. Knock yourself out.

I'm diiiigin you, I'm feeeeliiin you..aaand you'll never know

Ohhh, the secret crush. We've all had that person in our lives who we are secretely admiring but do not ever dare to say anything. I know people who have them (which is why this post has come up), hell, even I have one (anyone who knows who it is and spills, be prepared to DIE..smooches)Could be someone you see on the train everyday, could be someone you walk by everyday on the way to work, or in many cases, it could be a friend.This is where it gets complicated.
Having a crush on a friend is very similar to having a crush on a celebrity. This person is in your face all the time, when you see them you get all giddy (or some of you more cool people may just act normal),yet they are unnattainable. I say this person is unnattainable, because unless you are sure this person is interested in you as well, you will never let them know you are secretely doodling their name on your Trapper Keeper ( miss those things)in fear of rejection and that the friendship will be ruined.
A wise, okay maybe not so wise sometimes but ballsy, person advised on this topic and said people just need to take a risk and confess. I, personally, would never do this because we all know my pride bank is overflowing, but one of you try it out and let me know what happens. If it doesnt work out, next time remember these four letters, WWMD: What Would Mel Do? and then carry on.

Beauty is supposedly in the eye of the beholder but dam...

Is it just me or does Snooki look like an Oompa Loompa with a poof? I hope my seat in hell is cleaned off.

My new future ex-husband

Move over Chris Brown, helloooo Arron Afflalo. Hopefully this one doesnt like to fight with girls. If anyone spots this dude, or a look-a-like (because we all know how NBA players roll and Ive got enough stress in my life), please pass him along my pin, thanks. And, Chris don't worry, I still got mad love for ya shawty.

After the party it's the...anyone remember?

Oh Saturday night, where to begin? This past Saturday I celebrated my being 27 years young and man was it a celebration.I was a bit nervous about the whole night seeing as how I have a hard time playing hostess and wanted to make sure everyone got in and would have fun.
About 40 of my buddies ended up showing up and it was hard to be with everyone at the same time (I know, its so hard to be me..sigh. Kidding, really.)therefore I missed many, many epic moments. The Patron and vodka also made me miss alot of moments towards the end of the night, but enough about me. From what Ive been told and from the pictures, there was def lots of mingling and dancing going on and everyone enjoyed themselves.
While there is too much that happened to go into detail , I must send a shoutout to everyone that came and aided into making this bday go down as one of my top best burfdays ever. Mel loves ya, but only as a friend.

P.S. I would also like to send a special shout out to "Pants on the Ground", "The Butt", whoever said "every song is Melissa's song", Funessa, fortune telling, Qaani's apparent hatred towards me, me trying to matchmake people and all the paparazzi whos pictures have had me tearing for the past three days.Good.times.

For the Love of Mel..J?

I came across Fantasia Barrino's new show and officially came to the conclusion that VH1 just gives shows away like toothbrushes at the dentist. The show is supposedly chronicling Fantasia's hard life bla, bla, bla. Don't get me wrong, Ive read about her past and things that have happened to her are sad, but a series to explain all this is not necessary, just stick her on Oprah for two minutes. Plus her singing and speaking voice make me want to glue plugs into my ears. Then we have "For the Love of Ray J", that Brooke Hogan show and "Let's Talk About Pep". W in the H? And do not get me started on "Tiny and Toya",which in my opinion could have used some subtitles.
The question raised here is: where's my tv show? Things occur daily in my life that really merit some camera time. Grant it some days are more exciting than others, but my fml moments are quite entertaining, more so to others than myself, but still entertaining. I am going to write VH1 and let them know I needs me some camera time. Someone think of a theme song and a title, thanks.

Help a homie out

Money's tight for many of us these days kids, but $5 is not going to put a dent in your wallet. Unless all you have is $5 than keep that ish and just think happy thoughts.
While I'm a bit skeptical about this texting your donations business, this a link to Wyclef's site and hopefully this money will actually be going to these people affected by the earthquake in Haiti. I live and have grown up in a heavy populated Haitian community and my thoughts and prayers (yes, me, the evil one, prays) go out to all of you and your families.
Okay, that was my deepness for the day, now back to the regularly scheduled foolishness.




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It's the best day of the year giiiirl

On January 12, 1983, Melissa Janet Ferman popped into this world. My mother tells me that I was born at midnight and a month early. Proof that Ive always been a night owl and an impatient mofo.
While my brother called me a loser for thanking each and everyone individually that wished me a happy bday, I just wanted to show my true thanks for the thought. It also helped that I was bored at work giving me the time to do this, but the first reason sounds better though so lets just use that.
So thank again my dudes and itll be a celebration this weekend bitches! (For those who know that I love to make my Bday into a week long celebration, I chose to only do one day this year for a few reasons. Maybe next year I'll go back to my Diddy ways, minus the wearing of white and making it rain on some hoes of course.)

PS I would like to extend a special shout out to my homies who attempted to throw me a surprise party in attempts to get me out of my fml state. Sadly, I ruined such plans but I def appreciate the thought, you dirty,dirty little secret keepers.

Question of the day

Weve all heard the phrase "You always want what you cant have" especially pertaining to the opposite sex.
My question is: do we want what we cant have solely because we can't have it?
Think about it and get back to me.

"Could be worse"

I hate this saying. Hate. People use this to try and cheer up people in states of misery and I have no clue how this is supposed to make someone feel better.
Ive been in a state of FML lately and do not share my misery because of this. While I'm very well aware that there are starving children in Africa, pets with no homes and Lil Wayne is going to prison (stay strong my dude...and im totally kidding)this in no way makes my situation better or makes me have an epiphany that maybe things aint that bad, it just makes me more annoyed.
The point of all this is: people if someone has legitimate reasons to be a Sulky Sally let them be and do nto advise them that they should just be grateful to be here on earth. You.are.not.helping.

Friday night tales

Here we go again. Ive been absent from the Highbar scene due to the holidays and boy oh boy did it welcome me back with a bang. Where should I begin?
Let's start with the stalker. A night out would not be complete unless I find a stalker. This dude last night, who shall remain nameless because later on I came to find out we have a mutal acquaintance (not at all awkward), comes up to me, says hi small chit chat, asks the "do you have a bf?" question, to which of course I replied "yep" (I use this line so much Im starting to believe it myself). I thought this would send him to prey on the next victim, but no such luck.
Later on I walk to the bar and with the blessings of the FML gods, there is my stalker friend. Hot dog. He continues to ask me if I really do have a bf or Im just saying that because I want him to go away. Being the lovely and sweet girl that I am, I said "honestly yes thats it". This then leads his friend, who was on the other side of me, to preach to me how great of a guy his friend is and I should give him a chance. If anyone spots where the "losers talk to me" sign is on me, I will love you for life. And who doesnt want that?

After I escaped my Tego Calderon wanna be lover, I thought I was good for the night. Who was I kidding? I had put my purse behind the dj booth for a few leaving my phone in there. I know, I put my phone down, something has to be wrong with me. Realizing the out of characterness that was occuring, I go to get my phone, my foot hits the chord connecting the sound equipment to the power and you can just imagine the next few seconds(something along the lines of me aplogizing profusely and wanting to put a bag over my head). Safe to say this will go at the top of my "Most Embarassing Moments" list and I am putting a restraining order on myself to stay at least 5ft away from dj booths for the rest of the year.
Why I continue to go to this place is beyond me, seeing as how no good ever comes. I guess, if I didnt go I would have no stories to tell you kids. Proof that no good deed goes unpunished.

His momma needs to give him a beating.

If I could pick a few words to describe this dude it would be something along the lines of dumbass, ahole, and total waste of talent. Use your head kids.